Griffin Herbert Turveygold

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Griffin Herbert Turveygold (1311–1361) was the foremost cosmonomer of Einwimz, and noted tipplehound, until his untimely death at the hands of the men of Captain Cragganmore during the struggles that led to the Four Factions. His spouse was Alicia Judith Turveygold, née Vertlepont, who perished with him in the same event. They lived on the island of Bensaro, on what is now called Crass Crag but was at the time named the Verdant Lilt.


Turveygold turned the amateur pursuit of cosmonomy into a profession at the age of just 20, when assisted by his father Gandred Hampton Turveygold, he built a cosmotorium and invited all of Einwimz to see his glorious cosmotic projections.

In the early days of the cosmotorium, a restored version of which still stands on Crass Crag, the young Alicia laid her eyes upon him during a particularly enthralling display of the Scuttlejuck Nebula, and they were married not long after. Though their marriage never bore fruit, they are said to have led the happiest of relationships together.

The skies over the Verdant Lilt were reputed to be the clearest in all of Einwimz, and though they may have lost their edge now due to the predominance of freegull guano vapour in the atmospheres, the present Crass Crag is still well reputed for its excellent cosmonistry, and the restoration of the cosmotorium that Griffin and his father built is still in good working order for those who are lucky enough to visit Bensaro.


The undoing of Turveygold was his love for the drink, and especially the D'Equatore Especial. Though he was a collector, he was a collector for the purpose of drinking, and had obtained huge stockpiles by the time the men of Captain Cragganmore came knocking on his door. Well, not so much knocking as barging through the door, rushing straight down to the cellar, and then losing their wits and laying waste to the whole of Crass Crag.

The bodies of Griffin and Alicia were never found, and Captain Cragganmore's men had to make financial and other reparations to their extended family, though they had no close relatives at the time of decease. The whole of the island of Bensaro came out for their memorial service, every man, woman, treeman, and child, and a reading was given by a tearful and obsequious Cragganmore.

To this day, bottles of D'Equatore Especial are banned on Crass Crag, though they may be freely stored and drunk on the rest of Bensaro. The legacy of the Turveygolds can still be felt in the fact that cosmonistry is one of the favourite pastimes of so many Einwimzians, and is still enjoyed as a noble profession by those following the path that Griffin first set out.

Citations: Cosmotorium of Griffin Turveygold, Crass Crag, Treeman.

by Sbp Pŵt (talk) 17:47, 8 April 2016 (EDT)