Downright Crazy Clock-Makers' Association

From Einwimz
Jump to: navigation, search

The Downright Crazy Clock-Makers' Association is a group of Einwimzian hobbyists who have taken an interest in the early developmental stages of the Einwimzian Clock, the male, adolescent form of the duck-faced hedgebat floof. The "Downright Crazy" epithet originates in the eccentric nature of long time Clock-Makers, or breeders, which comes from extended exposure to clock droppings, as explained below.


The name "clock" originated as "a contraction of the colloquial word "clopper", meaning "long tongue", and "duck"." (sic. Source,, skippy)

Clocks and Clicks, their immature female counterparts, are native to the area around the City of Goats. There is speculation that they are highly intelligent, at least in their prolonged younger stages. However, as the liquid consonants employed by the Capraform people of the City of Goats are very difficult for a billed duck with an enormous tongue to pronounce, they have generally been classified as lower animals. Some scholars argue this common assertion, citing a severe speech impediment when attempting the Caprinian language, rather than lack of intelligence, as the source of language difficulties. Clicks have recently been employed in an attempt to prove this theory, as their tongues are smaller, thus making them more conducive to language study.

It became common practice in the 1400s for hobbyists to capture these creatures before their first mating cycle in order to study their habits and growth. As a result, clocks and their older counterparts, duck-faced hedgebat floofs, may be found all over Einwimz today. Most of them, outside of the City of Goats, are in captivity and breeding programs, under the auspices of the Clock-Maker's Association.

Purpose Of The Association

During a clock's first mating cycle, a male will walk five miles in a random direction from his place of birth and begin snapping his lower bill against his upper. The resultant sound is referred to as a tock. A click will respond to the tock with her own characteristic tick, after which, the mating, or trick, will commence if the clock's second set of wings are powerful enough to support the process. The purpose of the Downright Crazy Clock-Maker's Association is purely aesthetic--to breed clocks with specific tocks. Considerations mostly center on size--of tongue, bill, second wings, and gentalia. Experts agree that tongue size tends to be inversely proportional to everything else. Also, the smaller the tongue, the louder and richer a clock's tock, and the more likely to draw a click, thus refuting common wisdom that size doesn't matter.

Prized Traits

Because of the relationship between the size of a clock's tongue and it's... everything else, members of the Association look to breed out larger tongued clocks. The large tongue gene is X recessive, so the process takes time and patience. There is no indicator that a click carries the recessive gene, though at this point in the tricking process, it is very unlikely that any female would carry two recessive genes. The attempt to breed out large-tongued clocks depends largely on the male's genetics. A large tongued male, presenting the X recessive trait, will usually be set free to roam the plains until his first mating cycle, when he is very unlikely, with his strangled tock, to lure a mate.

Danger In Numbers

Size And Trekking Instinct

Clocks are voracious eaters, and they grow quickly. They are large enough to cause great damage to fields during the annual Winding of the Clocks Festival, when clocks usually begin their five mile trek to find a mate. Clocks have a strong trekking instinct, and even those in captivity will make the attempt. The more clocks a breeder has in possession, the greater the danger to person and property of both the breeder and the surrounding community. As a result, the Association has guidelines a breeder must follow relating to facilities and location. A breeder's facility must be located at least five miles outside a town, and it must have a secure perimeter in order to be covered by the Association's insurance policies. Despite these safeguards, it is not uncommon for clocks to get loose trying to follow nature, and for breeders to be trampled and seriously injured in the process.

Clocks' Appetite And Resultant Leavings

As stated before, clocks are voracious eaters. They double their size each year until mature, and this requires a massive amount of food. It also results in a great deal of droppings. As clocks grow very large by the end of their adolescent stage, their droppings are also rather large, and the gasses let off as they break down have long been known to have psychotropic effects. Breeders exposed to these fumes over extended periods tend to develop "eccentricities". It is commonly held that many people actually join the Association for this reason.

The Association In Culture

The phrases "clock-sh*t crazy" (as in "Clock-sh*t Crazy Crankauer") and "mad as a clocker" have worked their way into the speech of Einwimz, and originating, of course, in the City of Goats

The handling of clock droppings is closely regulated by the association. Black market rings have formed around Einwimz where their psychotropic effects are prized by college aged citizens and clock-heads, as most people would rather not raise clocks and deal with the accompanying dangers, in order to experience the effects of the droppings.

--Mbowen (talk) 11:17, 20 February 2016 (EST)

Citations: Click, Clock-Sh*t Crazy Crankauer