Dorensaro Denial

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The Dorensaro Denial conspiracy theory maintains that the enormous and completely unmissable mountain in the middle of Bensaro does not, in matter of fact, exist. Heretics deliberately subscribing to this theory are said to be Dorensaro deniers, whilst those accidentally caught out are said to be Dorensaro duped.

Background

Tourism on Bensaro is strictly limited to 100 visitors per year. In fact this is not quite true, because a "visitor" is somebody who is defined as having stayed on the atoll for more than a period of three hours without having purchased a noofing pipe. The convention of staying offshore during the Einwimz Games, for example, is in place to protect the improverished media from spending all their hard earned cash on noofing pipes.

Those who purchase a noofing pipe more than once every three hours are ostensibly considered cultured enough to be natives, and are not counted in the 100 visitor per year quota, meaning that the actual average including prosperous tourists is much higher, though the exact figures are never released.

In any case, no such limited quota exists for Dorensaro, the obvious and quite blatant central mountain inside the Bensaro atoll. There is only the problem of how to reach this clearly manifest mountain, given that it is surrounded entirely by quota-protected atoll. It was the enterprising young ganglewoman Heremelia C. Psmirtch who realised in 1315 that there are two ways around this prohibition: either to go under the atoll, or over the top. Psmirtch built the first of the many tunnels through the atoll,[1] and is now famous for her seafaring submarinal transporation from Einwimz Magna to the extremely busy and prosperous tourist resorts on Dorensaro.[2]

As for going over the atoll, tourists to the Dorensaro resorts on a budget can easily catch a passing freegull. The freegull is not the easiest of birds to hang from, but as these birds are used to flying over the atolls of the Blue Ocean, and as they love sharing their stories of their large freegull families with their passengers, the arrangement works out well for all concerned.[3]

Heresy Shall Henceforth be Sponsored by the Bensaro Tourism Board

The palpable and conspicious existence of Dorensaro does not please the Bensaro Tourism Board, who, by the way, are comprised of [sic] entirely non-Bensaro fatcat natives from Einwimz Magna. They would make a far greater killing out of the centuries old monopolous noofing pipe trade if they did not have to contend with the big neighbour in their literal midst. So, do you know what they do? Their effects can be felt everywhere. In this very lexicon's entry for Bensaro, for example, do you find any mention of Dorensaro? No. And in this very lexicon's entry for Crass Crag, the highest point on Bensaro, do you find any mention of how Dorensaro makes Crass Crag a wrinkle on the face of the land in comparison to the glorious and unmissable nose of Dorensaro? No. And do you know why? Because the Bensaro Tourism Board funds organisations to write Dorensaro out of history.

Well, there are some places where the Bensaro Tourism Board's dirty noofing pipe money just can't reach. One of those places is the Dorensaro Après Winter Sports Resort, owned by my sister.[4] Open all year round, but especially great between Gold Month and Cloud Month! (Please, it may be one of the smallest resorts on the mountain, but she really needs the company right now.)

Lies, Damn Lies, and Lies that are Statistically Proven not to be Lies

Now, most of the citizens of Einwimz who are unaware of Dorensaro, surely including the otherwise excellent scholars of this fine lexicon, are also unaware that they have been duped by the efforts of the Bensaro Tourism Board. So great have been these efforts that a recent survey revealed a full thirty percent of Einwimz citizens had not heard of Dorensaro, with two thirds of the remaining seventy percent being regular Dorensaro visitors! The explanation for this startling statistic is that the Bensaro Tourism Board have focused their diabolical scheming at remote, isolated, and otherwise boondockular communities not known for their integration or erudition. These are just the sorts of people whom we would love to see out there on the slopes freestyling it up a notch, yet we seriously wonder whether Einwimz shall ever be free from the grasp of the Bensaro Tourism Board.

What is most galling is the standard reaction of the official Bensaro guides when visitors new to the island ask what the giant mass of rock, so much taller than a goat, is that appears in the middle of the island. "Oh", the guides say. "It's nothing." Well, no, it's not nothing. It's a giant fun-packed mountain ski resort with beautiful scenery, exciting wildlife, and notorious opportunities for romance. Come visit, if you haven't already.

Warning to Lexicon Distributors and Readers

This entry may cause many copies of this lexicon to turn up with a few "missing pages". If you know of somebody to whom this has happened, please help them out! Share these pages with them, print them a samizdat copy, spread the word! Don't deny Dorensaro!

Citations: Crass Crag, Freegull, Heremelia C. Psmirtch's Fantastic Underwater Sea Travel and Ubiquitous Adventure Company.

by Sbp Pŵt (talk) 14:22, 26 February 2016 (EST)


Footnotes:
  1. The subject of prolonged and sustained legal battles, and many actual skirmishes over access through what is claimed to be Bensaro territory to the DOWNRIGHT OBVIOUS mountain splat-bang in the middle.
  2. Her company, Heremelia C. Psmirtch's Fantastic Underwater Sea Travel and Ubiquitous Adventure Company, was founded in 1317 out of the ashes of her previous failed venture, Heremelia C. Psmirtch's Adequate Overground Land Travel and Unexceptional Outings Company. It is now one of the oldest of all companies in Einwimz.
  3. Some freegull families are so large that they extend into other species.
  4. Qzt.