City of Goats

From Einwimz
Jump to: navigation, search

The City of Goats (Caprinaean: Ularia) is a large settlement, bigger than a town, founded and presently inhabited by polycerate mammals of a capraform nature. It bears a motto which, translated into Formal Whimzy, reads, somewhat confusingly: much ado about a pygmy goat on a stump.


As the only, and therefore highly insular, settlement of any kind of mammals of a capraform nature, the City of Goats acts as a de facto city state, albeit one on such good terms with the rest of Einwimz Magna and surrounding isles that there are effectively no trade or other boundaries.

The language of the mammals of a capraform nature, Caprinaean, is the only barrier to the commerce of ideas between the city state and the rest of Einwimz, due to its odd phonetic repertoire of just vowels and liquids. These are the only phonemes that mammals of a capraform nature can bleat with ease.

There are no male capraform mammals. Acapraform mammals are allowed to take public office in the City of Goats up to, and including but not exceeding, the rank of mayor. Despite this, the most famous mayor, who according to legend is the ancestor of half of the current inhabitants, was capraform.

The large settlement is welcoming of all the multizooiferous species, and plays host especially to many great societies of shardvarks, muttle footers, anklebees, pit geese, ponies, great crested rillduggers, muncheons, boneless yaks, ramdeer, pallavars, duck-faced hedgebat floofs, and, from the Southern Climes, the thunderous outragean snorter.


The large settlement is best known for the Aerilie Fountain which, despite being commissioned by High Goatess Aerilie in the Death Plague year of 1007, is built in mock-sixth century Berulean (Caprinaean: Erulea) style.

The current High Goatess Oualera had this to say on the matter when interviewed for this article: "impudent goatless morsel, begone". Her secretary and High Advisor later assured us that she meant to convey her predecessor's love for the Berulean style and subsequent popularist revivalism.[1]

Once a month, at high moon, the waters of the Aerilie Fountain are flushed, a day of great bickering and festivity amongst all the inhabitants of the City of Goats.

As well as the Aerilie Fountain, there is within the town square a large tree called Oorle, the blossom of which is an exceptionally potent aphrodisiac, the greatest in all of Einwimz. The City of Goats is sustained throughout the year from tourist trade of those coming to see the Aerilie Fountain, but the aphrodisiac blossom, which only appears once every thirty years or so, brings the highest repute. Since 1253, when famed Mayor Ealara hoarded the entire supply for herself and mysteriously vanished, strict handling rules for the blossom have been in place.


Around the large settlement are several villages noted for their metalsmiths who produce horn sharpeners, tail dockers, and bespoke tin cans for the discerning goatess.[2] These villages are considered to be part of the city state, but not part of the city. The most famous of the villages are called Rumen, Reticulum, Omasum, and Abomasum.

The village of Rumen was the home of Ernesto Bergens Phrincalico during his campaign to become mayor in 1277. During this period he was not permitted himself to enter the City of Goats. The citizenry of Rumen became quite fond of Phrincalico, and were one of the few capraform communities which did not enforce spitting into his face by law.

The city and villages are situated inland on the north coast of Einwimz Magna, a little to the west of the Glasswater. They are surrounded by beautiful rolling verdant uplands of a tranquil nature. These uplands are divided into the northern uplands, called the Uplands, and the southern uplands, called the Downlands.

The highest uplands point is called, suggestively, Mount Ealara.

Citations: Aerilie Fountain, Duck-Faced Hedgebat Floof, Formal Whimzy.

by Sbp Pŵt (talk) 12:32, 19 February 2016 (EST)

  1. She also offered us 200ƒ not to quote the High Goatess, which we of course refused as below our dignity and not to mention too trifling a sum.
  2. More accurately these villages are said in the earliest legal documents to circumperipatantalise the city.